turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
