My hand turned me down
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
