it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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