Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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