I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
