some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
