your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
