Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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