You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
