Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
