dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
