dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
