Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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