I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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