Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
