yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
