i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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