Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
