my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wear drunk well.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
