So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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