god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
