Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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