Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
