So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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