Can i not drive my cunt home
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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