dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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