SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
