he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
