come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
