dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
