I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
