ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize