ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
