I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
