I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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