I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
