I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
