the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
