and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
