Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
