Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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