i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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