you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
