last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
our cab driver is having phone sex.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
