Buhtt sex?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
