There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
