happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
