Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
