I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she peed on how many people?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
