So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
