yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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