She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
there is puke in my bra ... again
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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