24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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